This morning I had to drive the husband’s car because I got home last and he left first. I didn’t look in the garage until after he’d left for work.

me: Why did you park like ass?

him: That’s my skill level for driving. Didn’t you see my stat card? Vehicular rating: balls.

me: So that’s how you got the points for remembering useless comic book shit. Fucking munchkin.

him: You’ve never complained about my size stats.

me: Yes, but you forgot to roll for skills.

him: D’oh. Help me level up tonight and redress that?

me: We’ve done it twice this week; I don’t think you have the stamina. Feel free to roll for it.

him: I’ll get out my box of pre-rolled… wait, that sounds wrong in this context.

me: Depends on who you’re rolling with.

him: Only you, baby.

me: …we may need to up our text plan.