Dear HR person at my day job,

You know how you have like five missed calls on your cell phone every time you come back to your office after wandering around doing who knows what? Yeah, the rest of us know it too, because your phone rings. Loudly. And we know that you know that your phone rings, because sometimes you’re in your office and it rings and you answer it. So clearly you can hear it.

Do you think you might want to respect the  peons in the cube farm just outside your door? Because we can hear it too. And now we think that you’re not very good at your job because you don’t model basic manners for your co-workers. (Well, we already knew you weren’t very good at your job, because how else would the head of IT be able to give his girlfriend a promotion and a raise and then fire the person who called him out for it?)

So, y’know. Turn it down or something, ’cause we know you have family problems, but that shit is annoying.

no love,